don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
