My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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