i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
