So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I am morally bankrupt
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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