the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
