If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
