He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I intend to get homeless drunk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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