so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
