I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
