I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
