I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
