I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
