does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
