fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
