They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
