I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
