We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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