I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
