You're completely useless in the revolution.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
