i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
