UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
