You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
