I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
