she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
