I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
