it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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