That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Two words: blizzard sex
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
