our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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