Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
