im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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