can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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