were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
