She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
