do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
