Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
birth control should be required to get into college
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
