i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize