Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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