I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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