i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
