I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
