I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
