dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
