Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
