Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
