yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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