Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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