just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
