just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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