she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
