Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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