Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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