Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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